In Plato’s Republic, the ancient philosopher expressed an evergreen insight on Man’s relationship to Culture, and I quote: “Every hooper wanna be a rapper, and every rapper wanna be a hooper.”

The evidence is nearly endless.

Allen Iverson, Shaquille O’Neal, and even the late Kobe Bryant paved the way for the likes of Damian Lillard and Miles Bridges.

Cam’ron (shoulda passed to Mase), 2 Chainz, and Master P made room for folks like J. Cole and Quavo.

But while there’s a rich history of basketball being depicted in cinema (Hoop Dreams and He Got Game are a few personal favorites), not as many filmmakers get their due on the hardwood when it comes to the mainstream (read: Black) zeitgeist. I suspect that’s cuz music and sports are the two most commonly pursued means of upward mobility in the inner city (YouTube commenter @PandaPlayZHD put it best on that RTB MB vid when they said: “This man had 2 options to make it out the hood and he took em both 😤”).

So ard yeah whatever, anyway here go my starting five made up of my favorite filmmakers that get buckets. (I’m excluding triple threats like Cam’ron and Master P cuz to me they count as legendary indie filmmakers too 💯)

PG: Gina Prince-Bythewood

As a filmmaker, Gina Prince-Bythewood easily counts as one of the greats. Her opus Love & Basketball (2000) is an indelible film in the get-buckets canon, and I’m sure that her skills as a director and her history as a track and basketball athlete would make her an excellent floor general for this lil squad I’m putting together. (Fun fact: she has a small cameo in Love & Basketball as an opposing player, which I thought only I had picked up on but Manohla Dargis wrote about it too!)

SG: Adam Sandler

I could give y’all 5,000 words about Adam Sandler. He wears his love of the game on his sleeve, most recently in his love letter to the game Hustle (2022). One of my most unforgettable memories at the Telluride Film Festival is bumping into the Sandman outside the Sheridan Opera House the year that Uncut Gems premiered there. He hopped out of a black SUV in a leather jacket and boot cut jeans, noticed me (in a sea of white faces) and gave me a cool nod. I lie to you not, less than 2 hours later I caught him across town (it’s a small town) suited up in his trademark ball shorts playing two-on-two at the town park with some locals!!! I deeply regret not being able to jump in, but I get the sense that I’ll get to cook him one day. Anyway yeah after seeing him play in real life (and in clips online that people be texting me cuz I'm off socials) I can tell that having him as my shooting guard is the way to go, that’s 5’10” of pure heart right there.

SF: Yorgos Lanthimos

Yorgos Lanthimos is easily one of my favorite working directors. He creates singular, surreal, hilarious worlds, and I doubt we’ve even seen the height of his powers yet (I’m dying to see Poor Things when it comes out later this year). If you've seen any of his films, though, it may surprise you that this harbinger of the bizarre was once a professional basketball player in his native Greece. At a healthy 6’2”, he even reached a higher tier of the Greek league than 2X NBA MVP Award winner Giannis Antetokounmpo (ain’t that crazy?!!). Given the style of his work, I think that qualifies him as the original Greek Freak forreal.

PF: Mahershala Ali

Mahershala, my brother in Islam, I need you on the squad! Before winning two Oscars, 6’4” Mahershala Ali played D1 basketball at Saint Mary’s. Now he’s one of the most compelling thespians of his generation, which is great cuz I need him to fool the defense! I listened to the A24 podcast episode between him and Ramy Youssef (speaking of Poor Things), and Ramy claimed that he beat Mahershala one-on-one but uhhhhh I doubt it LOL. Til that footage drops I’m taking Hershal all day.

C: RaMell Ross

For those who don’t know, RaMell Ross is a brilliant documentary filmmaker, best known for his Oscar-nominated film Hale County This Morning, This Evening (2018) (which I should have included here). I had the pleasure to meet the visionary cinematographer Jomo Fray (who also lensed this year's All Dirt Roads Taste of Salt , a masterpiece of a debut by legend-in-the-making Raven Jackson) at this past Indie Memphis Film Festival, where he revealed that he recently wrapped shooting on Ross’ first narrative feature film (!!!) which I’m also very excited to see. But don’t be fooled by the glasses and endless vocabulary, my man RaMell (who stands at 6’6”) was recruited to join one of the most legendary teams in college hoops history. Though his time as a Hoya was punctuated by various injuries, I don’t doubt he could secure a double-double if cheered on by this here team of auteurs. I also read that he coached the game in Hale County, which would no doubt come in handy.

And since I'm playing GM, let me flesh out a couple honorable mentions too.

Head Coach: Spike Lee
Let Spike tell it and he coulda coached Julius Randle to five rings by now! Plus my OG too seasoned to be lacing up at this point, much love to the legend.

Sixth Player: Eddie Huang
I'll admit I still haven't gotten a chance to see Boogie (2021) but Eddie Huang is one of the great Renaissance men of our time I gotta give him a shot off the bench for sure.

I realized while writing this that basketball doesn’t have a cool nickname like soccer (”The Beautiful Game”) or boxing (”The Sweet Science”) or baseball ("The National Pastime") so I hereby coin the phrase “Chess In the Air” to describe my favorite sport (I like the way they dribble up and down the court).