Life can be a bit strange.

2021 has very possibly been the best year of my life so far. And yet, it's also the year in which I experienced the end of a 20-year friendship. I'm writing this to clarify that contradiction for myself, because I'm not sure how both of those things can be true.

As per usual, I took deliberate time to reflect and heal and theorize when that tragedy came to pass. What I forged in the flames of that process is a shiny new tool for understanding all of my relationships.

In order to measure and predict the state of a given relationship (of any kind), there are three operative forces to consider: [JOY], [RESPECT], and [LOVE]. Those forces make up the three sides of a triangle, the tool I'm referring to. I discovered that in order to confidently call any single relationship sustainable, it has to satisfy at least two of the three sides of that triangle for all parties.

Let me elaborate: I can maintain successful relationships with the people I like and respect (my work colleagues, my comrades). The same is true of those I both respect and love (the relatives I know I can rely on, despite not understanding the memes they like). I can even keep up a relationship with loved ones who have broken my trust or shown poor judgement if I still find them a joy to be with.

But if I only like you, you're probably the nice lady with the Boxer who I greet every now and then on my runs. If I only respect you, you're probably someone whose book I learned a lot from. And if I only love you, if I no longer like or respect you, then you're the so-called brother I lost this year.

I'm choosing to call it the Blake Triangle (cuz James Blake put out this album with uncanny timing), not to be confused with a few similar triangular concepts I just discovered in a quick DuckDuckGo search while writing this all out (see here and here).

So here's how to use it: imagine you're holding your triangle in one hand, and a rod in the other (just like the instrument). Now think of someone, anyone. Strike the triangle with the rod. If your relationship with that someone only satisfies one side of the triangle, you'll either hear a sour note or no note at all. If the relationship meets two sides, you'll hear a crystal clear note that'll echo all around you for quite some time. And if that relationship contains all three components that make up the triangle, you'll he--

???01100011
[WAVECRASH//
BIRDSONG//
FIRECRACKLE//
RAINFALL//
THUNDERCLAP//
HEARTBEAT]
01100011???

Well, you'll hear some shit that only you can hear, really.

And I lie to y'all not, my eureka moment just came while I was writing that last paragraph!!! At the top, I said I was writing this to clarify a contradiction for myself. When I said that, I thought I had an answer already. I thought I could explain it like this: the reason I can have an amazing year despite experiencing a loss is that when I hold my triangle up to all my other relationships, I hear beautiful things. And while that's very true, it's not the whole truth.

The rest of the truth is that I've learned to put the triangle down whenever I please.

ٱلْحَمْدُ لِلَّٰهِ رَبِّ ٱلْعَٰلَمِينَ